Monday, October 20, 2014

Breast Feeding

Disclaimer: if you don't want to read about my experiences with breast feeding (or more accurately the lack of) I will not be offended.

The twins are actually to young to breast feed right now. Currently their corrected gestational age is 33 weeks. They have not learned how to coordinate everything that it takes to successfully breast feed, like swallowing, breathing and sucking. 

Since day one I have been pumping to get milk for them. This was really important to me because a) I know breast milk is important for their development. And b) providing them milk was the only thing I could do for them right from the start.

Pumping has been a frustrating battle. Trying to buy the stupid pump was problem number one. Our insurance will cover one 50%, the only problem with that is you had to buy from one of their authorized dealers. We went to Alpine Medical first and we had it all worked out, and when it came time to pay it ended up being a lot more than we thought. We ended up buying it on Amazon for less, and we can add it to our medical expenses this year on our taxes.

Another battle is providing enough milk for two.  The babies did not even start getting milk for a few days, so that helped buy me some time as my milk slowly came in. I opted for donor milk if I was not producing. I think they got a day of donor milk (mixed in with what could provide), before I was producing enough. "Enough" was very little thankfully. They start feeding the babies 3ml per feeding and go up from there. They were also getting food every 6 hours, and then it bumped up to every 3 hours. Their current schedule is around an ounce (30 ml) of food every 3 hours.

I was able to keep up with them until about a week ago (so about for 5 weeks). For some reason my production of milk declined. I was pumping every 2 to 3 hours, pumping at night, drinking lots of water, and trying to eat extra. I was doing all the things they told me to do but it was still low. There are lactation specialists up at the hospital, and Justin really wanted me to talk to them. I knew they would not tell me anything I did not already know, so I didn't want to. It was such a sore subject for me I knew if I startedt talking to someone I would probably just cry like crazy.
I finally ended up asking by OB. I had an appointment with her, and she recommended Fenagreek tea. I'm not a fan of tea, so I bought some supplements instead.

Fenagreek is some nasty stuff. They say it tastes like maple syrup, I just think it tastes gross. It also makes you smell gross. Besides these two horrible things, I think (combined with other things) has helped with the increase of milk.

I was up at the hospital one day, and I ran into an occupational therapist (lactation specialist) so I decided to ask her if their was anything else I could do. She was a very nice lady, but she pissed me off greatly with the "help" she provided. Her answer to my question was medication, and to be happy with what I had. I was furious by the time she left the room.

She also told me the medication can cause depression. With that fact alone I knew it was not an option for me. And after some research online I found that the medication is usually prescribed for a week, and during that week your milk can increase, and when you stop, your milk production goes back down. 

Right after this experience I finally used up all my stores in the hospital, and ran out of milk. I found this out later, but, our sweet nurse told Justin first, and he told her not to tell me right away because I was still upset about the OT. I was a little less mad when she told me, and we decided to start doing half formula half breast milk for the time being.  If we end up having a good supply they will give them all breast-milk.  I still would prefer to feed them breast-milk all the time, but it has decreased my stress level a little not worrying about producing enough.

When the babies oxygen needs started to decline, they were able to get their feeding tubes moved from their mouths to their noses. The good being, I could now start practicing latching with them.
Carla, our amazing nurse, found me a different OT to come help me. At the time I did not know that she knew of my bad experience. The other OT was much better, and I like her a great deal more.

We started with Ella, since she was the first to have her feeding tube moved. I have to say this experience was one of the most amazing of my life. To be able to have that connection with my baby was amazing to me. I was struggling with not feeling like a mother, and feeling pretty useless to my own children, and even though we were just practicing, having her in my arms, seeing her try and latch on was life changing to me.

The steps to actually feeding a preemie baby is a pretty drawn out process. For starters they cannot coordinate breathing, sucking and swallowing. And I am told the hardest part is teaching them how to latch on, which is currently what we are trying to do. They have both latched on a few times, and to see them try is the cutest thing. Before we practice I have to pump so there is not milk for them. The reason being if I were to have a let down it would overwhelm the babies, cause a bad experience, and have them not want to try again.  What I end up doing is pumping, and then when they are trying to latch on I have to squeeze just a drop for them to taste, and hopefully get them to latch.

Within a week or so we can start to give them more milk, and have them actually suck more. I still have to pump, but not a fully. After that we can try feeding them with bottles. Around this time I am going to be spending a lot more time at the hospital. Since I want to breastfeed, they need as much practice as possible, and since bottle feeding is so much easier for them, they don't want them to reject the breast because they know they have an easier option. So ideally they will have me in the day, and bottles at night.

Being in the NICU is a total roller coaster of emotions. At first I cried when I had to go the hospital, and wished that I could just stay home once in a while. Now when I go up there, It takes all my effort to leave them. There are also days where me and Justin are mad, or sad, or any other emotion you can think of. We had an experience with a nurse that made us so mad we had to leave and come back after she was gone. But, I am so grateful for the care they are getting, and I am even more grateful for the progress they have made.

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